Every single time i fight my thoughts and accept this fact of life, adjust with it and try to move on, it just pounces back onto me, with a much greater impact. It isnt easy when you're all by yourself. I have friends who'll help me out and pull me through this, but somehow with this topic it seems futile to involve anyone else, not coz they cant help but coz it just worsens later. I dont know what to do so i started writting about it, had a diary earlier on, wrote my heart into it, cried to it, laughed to it, hugged it, but in time i got a live diary and was as happy as happy can be. Someone started taking away my talking diary slowly, part by part, i had to keep things from it, it was like keeping things from yourself. When it came up, tried to take it normally, thought i dealt with it well, but hey you really cant rid yourself of permanent problmes right?
why does life have to be so rude, when im being so nice to it? At least im trying. It hurts to change yourself but you do it sometimes for the betterment. Isnt that supposed to make things a little fair? Fair to me. If Im compromising, cant life easen its hold on me? Cant it love me just the way it loves everyone else? or am i expecting too much? This is the pits! Every single time you try and forget the past and move on it jups back over and over again. Why the hell do they call it the past? Who's the fool who named it the past? it never is the past, is it? It just has to come back till it kills what you have! Try every which way to make things ok, it just wont work! it wont! You have no one to explain things to you, you understand them yourslef, make the other person understand, things begin to improve, and just when you think, life is rewarding you for your patience, it tries to suffocate you, till you bed for breath and to make tings worse, even the begging doesnt help! then you make an effort to rise by yourself. And when even that doesnt work, you BLOG! Heck on your last level of frustration you blog!
I miss my dog. Guess im being really hysteric, hopping from topic to topic but im not really hopping if you look closely. My dog is the most precious thing to me on planet earth but he's not with us, for some reason. My mom had to give him away despite all the drama that happened back then. Wont get into that, its an altogether different story! When you're low, you miss the dearest thing. That's what im doing right now, missing my dog!
Faith and hope that's what what's brought me till here and that is what's going to carry me forward. Coz seriously nothing else is real. NOTHING not even love! Coz it doesnt exist without these two. How many times do you belive it was a mistake if it repeats over a million times? and who does that? fools i guess. Those who trust too much in faith and hope, they're fools too? I seriosuly dont know what im getting at! stating and contradicting the very same thing i guess. It feels like iv become a great saddist! Heck i wasnt like this except once before. But that's why i had to throw away my beliefs then and accept the reality! Im not ready to do that. I wont ever be! not again, not this time.
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